Planning a Wedding? Do Whatever Works

I watched a strange yet interesting movie yesterday. I’m not a huge Woody Allen fan, but his Whatever Works* starring Larry David was absolutely fascinating. While the entirety of the film was a rather dark comedy, the overall premise of “whatever works” was beautiful. The world can be hard, relationships can be difficult, and life can have struggles, so when it comes to love do whatever works. If you’re lucky enough to find someone you want to share your life with do whatever works, whatever makes sense, whatever you need to do to be happy.

I love this idea and I’m going to apply this to both your relationship and your wedding. The idea I would love for you to remember is that you should do what works for you. First let’s start with your wedding. Right now there are tons of books, websites, friends, and family ready to tell you what should happen. Everything from the right vows to what city the ceremony should be held seems to be an open debate for the world to decide. Before you get any further in your wedding plans, think about what is most important to you. Don’t think about budget or time frame, but instead ask yourself what is the most important thing your wedding can offer you. You may find out early that you want a small backyard ceremony or a monster blowout in a five star hotel. You may also find out that none of the details really matter as long as you’re married at the end of the day. You may find out you want a wedding like no one else has ever seen or a classic and traditional service. The goal here is to find out what works for you. Remember, this is your day. Your marriage. Your love. How do you want to celebrate? When you figure that out, do whatever works.

Before you know it wedding planning will all be over, you’ll be married, and wedding advice will quickly change to marriage advice. Hey, I’ll be the first to tell you that some pre-marital counseling , listening to loved ones with experience, or reading a good Gottman** book can significantly aid in the success or happiness of your relationship, but I also want to remind you that this marriage belongs to you. It doesn’t belong to your parents, your siblings, or the random person at Starbucks that added his or her two cents. Your relationship is yours to own.

For example, you may or may not have lived together before you got married. Regardless of which way you went, I’m sure you heard opinions about the subject. Your goal there was to take the benefits and the costs of each side and determine the best path for you. Your marriage should continue with that same routine. Hopefully you both will put in thought and do the best you can and make an educated guess on what will be right for you. As time goes by, if it’s not working, make a change. If it is working, keep it up. Your relationship is yours so do whatever works.

Therefore, my advice about advice is to soak it all up, think about it all, and figure out whatever works for you. The way you look at finances may be different than how your parents did it, you may want more independence than you see in your best friend’s relationship, you may love the traditional roles of your grandparents, and you may find relational inspiration everywhere you look. Copy, paste, cut, delete, move, shift, highlight, and italicize your own combination of whatever works.

*Whatever Works, 2009, directed by Woody Allen, Sony. To Learn more about this movie click Whatever Works

**John Gottman, Psychology Professor at the University of Washington, cofounder and director of the Gottman Institute, Groundbreaking relationship researcher, and author or popular titles such as The Relationship Cure and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
To find Gottman books click John Gottman Marriage Help